Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The fragmented reality of Existence

What the hell is this shit?
This reality, who put it here?
I’m starting to feel my brain inside my head.
How can this hunk of meat be producing all this?
My existence… what a mystery!
I cant think of being normal ever again.
I mean why am I here?
Who decided for me to be born of my mother?
Where will I go when I die?
Who and what am I anyway?
Even if we are made from god,
Where did god come from?
What the hell is the purpose of this existence?
Its so fucking weird.
I wonder what would happen if more people realized this?
How terrifyingly astonishing their being-here is.
Now no amount of disregard can erase the indent of this understanding.
Our existence is weird, and we are lost it in.
Why do animals look as if they fit so well.
Why we, with all this technology, cant find any sort of balance with the Earth.
How do we govern ourselves better?
Shit I am going to die one day.
And how is to going to be?
I had a nitrous experience which left me troubled.
That gas disassociates the content of ones consciousness.
So I believe this would be the closest way to see death.
All that was left was a static awareness; unmovable.
I was bound, but had no body.
My vision was filled with grey static.
My thoughts where all fixated on how I ended up there.
I assumed I have died; bomb drop on my house.
I was stuck for what seemed an eternity.
After that, I wondered if death may have the same plot.
I have read mystic and religious text explaining the void or a no-self,
But is that it?
I wouldn’t like that forever.
Oh man, should I man up?
What fear takes root.
What the hell is this existence?
Why am I here and feeling fear.
Who am I?
Am I god?
Did I do all this to myself?
What if I am just a created dream?
Weaved by a skilled computer wiz.
Using his dream making machine.
Oh man and what if that guy is in another dream?
Crafted by another person.
This can go on forever.
What a mess we have gotten ourselves into.
Who are we really?
What is our deep-seated natural history and disposition?
What is the road toward this kind of understanding?
That would be mysticism!
Not a religion, but a systematic approach for interpreting experience.